Project Number 1: Free Laptop, aka, "The Internet Unicorn"

So....ever get this e-mail? Curse out loud and hammer on your mouse to kill this pop-up?  Stumble across this ad while shopping online for custom chihuahua collars?  (dog collar part just me?)

oh, oh, it's blinking! it's PURPLE! it says "CLICK HERE"
i am mesmerized.
THIS MUST BE THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER!!!

Sure you have.  Unless of course you don't have an e-mail, or don't shop online, or don't have a computer...in which case, WELCOME TO 2010.  I recommend you try the salmon sushi (it's my favorite).

Back to the *FREEEE LAPTOP BLINK BLINK BLINK*

A free laptop, seriously - is this possible? Could it be? No one really knows I guess, because google free laptop and all you really get is a slew of blinky blinky bright pink ads offering everything from a free ipad to this <---------- Sony Vaio.  No one out there seems down to let people know if this laptop is actually attainable for free.

B.S.! Balderdash! No way! Unbelievable! Don't fall for this, this is a trick! DO NOT CLICK THERE, I DON'T CARE IF IT'S BLINKING!!!  In other words, NO ONE IN HIS SLASH HER RIGHT MIND WOULD TRY THIS, EVER.  It may even be a horrible trap that will steal your soul.

Psshhh. I'm not scurrd.


Does the magical, mystical unicorn of the internet -- the FREE LAPTOP -- actually exist?  Most would say of course not.  Most would say stay away.  Most would be skeptical, logical and sane, click delete and move on with their lives, pleased with their powers of reason and skeptical-ness (that's not a word, don't use it, you'll sound stupid).

But you don't know me.  That's how I roll.

They (and by "They," I mean myself) don't call me The Gullible Consumer for NOthing!  No, I've decided that these nice people are just trying to promote their awesome products and services by offering us consumers a useful and desirable item to get our attention.  Well, they got MY attention, for sure.  So, yes, my first adventure will be to capture this mythical creature known as Free Laptop. Grab it by the horn, I tell you.  By the horn. And I'm going to document every step and every detail of this perilous journey purely for your information (or entertainment, whatever works).

Let me be the first to say that this little quest has a high probability of going horribly awry.  Many innocent dollars may be lost in the battle against the evil dragons of ridiculous internet offers known as Fine Print.  I am not in any way inviting you to try this.  But I AM bound and determined to finally clear the fog of mystery surrounding this unicorn of the internet.

Whatever happens, it'll at least be interesting. And unicorn or no unicorn, at least we can say we tried (well, I can say I tried, and you can say you read about somebody who tried).

Stay tuned.  It's goin DOWN.